Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
