i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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