just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
