Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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