I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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