you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
