Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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