It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
