There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
