I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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