we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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