Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
