Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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