Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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