Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
