I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize