sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
