I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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