So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
