two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
