Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
