Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
