I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
