Your dad touched me again.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
