I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
