A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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