think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
