oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She told me I should be a condom model.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
