shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
