my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
