Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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