I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
