Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
