he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You made out with two different species that night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's shark week go big or go home
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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