I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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