k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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