Don't make out with my wife yet
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
