Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
