i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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