where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
