They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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