I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
