I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
