When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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