why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
