So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
