Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
