My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
