So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We had to coat check the pizza.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
