I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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