Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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