Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Randomize
