she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
