I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
